My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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