new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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