Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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