the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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