mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
