Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
