so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
