Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
