Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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