I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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