Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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