No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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