Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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