Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
