I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
a search helicopter?!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
