either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
