I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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