Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
