I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
