Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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