I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
