i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
