party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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