then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
