...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
