She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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