My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
