i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
