Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
