I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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