What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
