I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
