i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
