So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
