Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
