ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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