Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
