I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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