They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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