i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
