I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize