So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
