just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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