$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize