I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
