Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
