Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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