sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize