I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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