You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
