He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
