You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
