I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
