Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
