Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize