I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
