They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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