Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
