I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
