Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
