The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
