I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
