Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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