You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
