Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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