I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize