it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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