Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
