Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
