whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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