Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize