Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
